It’s the classic tale of “all my friends were doing it and so I did it too”. I had also read on some very reliable celebrity gossip blogs that tons of starlets were trying it and that they had lost half their body weight, had tons of energy, clear skin and a new role in a summer blockbuster. The juice diet was going to change my life.
I signed up for the five-day cleanse (three days seemed too few and seven seemed crazy even for me), which entailed having six bottles of pre-made juices delivered to my flat every morning by 5:30am. I was to consume them intermittently throughout the day, starting with the bottled labelled “1″ and finish with the one labelled “6″. I could also drink green tea or water but by no means was I to allow a drop of coffee, tea or wine to pass my lips. And absolutely no solid food for the next 120 hours.
I had been mentally preparing myself for a week: “This is going to be easy, fun even.” “If all five of my friends that gave this a go lived to tell the tale I will too.” “This is going to make me feel so amazing that I am going to do it quarterly – every time the season changes.” “No, I’m going to do this once a month. Fast like the Buddhist monks. Become one with the universe.”
The day before the cleanse started I went for a long run, drank plenty of green tea, ate only veg for dinner – I was a detoxing machine. I woke up the day of the cleanse and ran to the front door like a child on Christmas morning. There it was, my own personal cooler of goodness. I didn’t need my morning latte; I had green juice. Kale, cucumber, celery, apples, ginger: the breakfast of champions.
By the time I got to the office my head was pounding. “Allergies”, I told myself. “It is that time of year.” Every time I had the urge to chew something I made myself a cup of green tea. By lunchtime I was convinced I had a brain tumour. My head was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach and all I wanted to do was lie down under my desk and take a nap – for the next 116 hours.
Moral of the story: Juice is great, but a diet it does not make